Until I was captured by the Sericins, the trip was amazing
As many of you know, Team Reed Indy took a trip out west to Sequoia National Park, Kings Canyon and Death Valley National Park with a couple days in Las Vegas tacked on at the end.
The parks were amazing. It's very hard to describe just how majestic and huge the sequoias are and how desolate but beautiful Death Valley is.
Among the things we learned and repeatedly taught each other along the way:
"It’s hot in the desert." -- Alison
Oh! And while we were at the most arid place in the U.S., it rained. More sprinkled than anything, but it was enough for a rainbow! In one particularly rocky and seemingly unpassable canyon in Death Valley, we were trudging every upward through the rocky terrain. I think that was the day it was 108-degrees. Everywhere we went in Death Valley, we were mostly alone, but in this particular canyon -- Mosaic, maybe -- we encountered about four different couples.
We encountered plenty of snake trails in the Sand Dunes in Death Valley, which ensured I stuck to the center of every trail and never got close to the few areas that offered shade. We saw no actual snakes.
In fact, there was little wildlife. Every time we saw a bush or a flower or a lizard or bug, I'd call out "Life!" and point. I think Ali counted more than 20 little geckos. I startled one, which scurried off as if chasing Alison through a canyon, causing her to scream a little bit and run before she remembered it was a tiny gecko.
I'd gone with Ali to the mall on the Strip, and had started wandering down a hallway alone while she went in search of funky lipstick.
Picture this: me, after six days hiking in the mountains and most recently desert. Wearing mom shorts and an Eric Church concert tee-shirt. My hair pulled into a ponytail because it was wicked windy in Las Vegas. I had on sandals but my pedicure was, frankly, in an embarrassing state. I might have had mascara on. Sunblock, too. I think I was working on six hours of sleep and was desperately looking for coffee.
A heavily made-up woman walks over to me and hands me a bag of something, muttering that she wanted to give me one more thing. She pulls me along into a store and before I knew it, I was in a chair and she was slathering something on one side of my face. She was beautiful with long, red fingernails, stick-straight hair and more eyeliner than I've seen outside a drag show. She'd lived in Greenwood for a time but when the lake froze, it was too much for her and she went west. Smoothing on some pinkish lotion onto my face, she asked what what my skin care regimen is"Uh, I don't really have one," I say, wondering how I'd gotten from the outside to the cushy chair so fast. And then, realizing that she was covering only one half of my face with an assortment of lotions and serums.
She gasped and went to get another, equally fantastically made up lady who tut-tutted and started putting lotion on the other side of my face. I started to touch the stuff that was drying around the lines they'd declared unacceptable around my eyes.
She smacked my hand and told me not to touch it. She asked me a few questions, may have equalized the lotions on the two sides of my face and asked me how many hundreds of dollars did I want to spend to correct the issues with my face.
I admitted that I didn't want to spend any money and that I wouldn't likely use the concoctions that were rapidly taking up counterspace in front of me. I surreptitiously reached for my phone and texted Alison.
"Where are you? I need help," I texted.
No reply and meanwhile the second lady had called in the store owner. He'd come over, opened up a new box of stuff and was using an ultraviolet light to smooth over one side of my face to un-sag my apparently drooping cheek. Again, only on one side of my face.
He showed me a series of pictures of wrinkly women magically made over with his fantastic light and serum. I could have plastic surgery for $7,000 or more, but his elixirs could fix me up for just $3,000. He could get rid of those spots, too. Didn't I want to give him $3,000?
"I really don't," I say, wondering how to get him to slide that light on the other side of my face so I slip out of the chair and leave. I had no idea what I was looking like at this point, but I didn't want to leave looking like I had Bells palsy.
I explained that I couldn't spend that much money. He explained that I needed to and it would last at least a year and I'd never find it at this bargain price again. He showed me the pictures again and then started pointing to my jowls and neck.
I texted Ali again. "I've been captured," I said. "Come save me."
I gave her the name of the store and she came in right about the time he'd stopped zapping the right side of my face.
"Do see what I've done?" he asked, upon learning she was there and no doubt seeing another victim.
"Uh, sure," she said, giving me the biggest side-eye she'd ever given me.
Between the two of us, we got me out of there, with one half of my face untreated by the magic light but most of it fully creamed and slathered.
"It's glue, Mom," she muttered as we fled. "He was putting glue on your face and activating it with the light. I can't believe you went in there."
I explained that I'd been abducted and that I didn't want to leave half-somewhat fixed. She finally admitted they were aggressive but she was still disappointed in me. Plus, she claims she saw no instant beautification. As if. I mean, I'd been in there for what seemed like hours. Surely something had gotten lifted or disappeared or tightened. Between the three of those skincare soldiers, they must have slathered on a pound of product onto me.
"They got captured, too," we whispered. It was an awesome trip. Too many pictures to share, but you get the drift, I think. We're glad to be alive.
So much fun.....
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